Page 1 of Snowman joke

One snowman says to another:

"Hey! Can you smell carrots?"

Eeeeeeyyyyyeeeetttthhhhaaannngggewwwwyyyeewwwwwwww.

come again?

Can`t beleive you didn`t get that.

Snowman says "Yes, and my hands are all sticky!"

Oh

Dear

There are two budgies on a perch

One turns to the other and says "Can you smell fish?"

I thank you

Two peanuts were walking down the road and one was a salted.

2 packets of crisps walking down the road,

A bloke pulls over and says `can I give you lads a lift`

`No thanks, we`re Walkers`

two buckets of sick are walking down the street and one says "hey! I was brought up here..."

two snakes are talking to each other
1st snake: "are we poisonous?"
2nd snake: "no, I don`t think so"
1st snake: "thank God, I`ve just bit my tongue!"

Man goes into a bar with an ostrich and a cat.
The bar tender says "What would you like Sir?"
The Man Says "I`ll have a pint of beer"
He looks at the ostrich and says "What will you have?"
"I`ll have a pint of beer" says the ostrich.
He looks at the cat "What will you have?"
Half a pint of beer - but I`m not paying!" .
"That will be A12.65" says the bartender.
So the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out exactly A12.65.
The next day after work the man goes into the same bar.
"What`ll it be today" says the bartender
"Double whisky on the rocks" says the man
He looks at the ostrich and says "What will you have?" "I`ll join you in a double whisky" says the ostrich He looks at the cat "What will you have?"
"Half a pint of beer - but I`m not paying!"
"That will be 21.95" says the bartender
So the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out exactly 21.95.
The next day after work the man goes into the same bar.
"Excuse me" the bartender says "I was just wondering why, no matter what the price, you always have the exact change in your pocket?"
"Well" says the man "When my grandmother died she left me everything in her house and inside there was a lamp so I rubbed it and out popped a genie.
It granted me three wishes so I asked that every time I wanted to buy
something I would have the exact change in my pocket"
"That`s brilliant" says the bartender "You`ll never ever run out of money.
What else did you ask for?"
"A bird with long legs and a tight pussy"

2 fish in a tank. One turns to the other and says

"do you know how to drive this thing?"


2 cows in a field, one says "MOO!"

the other one says "You git! I was gonna say that"